Lately he has been loudly protesting (mild description) pretty much anything that I do or suggest. From going potty to singing a song.... Of course it's not all of the time but at least 3 times a day there is a some major dramatic meltdown over seemingly silly things. Every once in a while the meltdown involves flopping onto the floor which can, and mostly does, produce some sort of head bumping or other painful experience. This doesn't help.
I'm having a hard time trying to be all joy and light which I'm sure is fueling the tension.
On a side note we watched Pinocchio the night before last and hearing the beautiful good fairy tell Pinocchio "You won't be a real boy until you learn to be brave, truthful and unselfish" made a big impact. When I brought up that quote the next day he got really serious, his eyes got big and he nodded. It was way too cute.
9 comments:
Hi Gretchen. Sounds tough! I can't blame you for struggling to "be all joy and light". What parent can all the time? It sounds like you're really encouraging him in the right direction. Wearing my work hat, I can tell you that it's not abnormal at all, but very normal. Your reaction is a key player in his response. It would be good to give a label to his feelings so that he can process what he's feeling (i.e. Your feeling mad, sad, frustrated, angry, etc.). Let him have it out, too. It's good to get all those frustrations out that so often accumulate as a three year old trying to conform to all these adult ways in the world. In fact, the only ways for a kid to genuinely relieve their stress is to cry, scream, or tantrum. Stay calm and serene as much as possible, too. When you're in control, then he will gain control of himself much sooner. Take note of how you are feeling and remove yourself if need be, from the situation, to give yourself time to cool off. This will be good for you and model good coping techniques to Anders too. Just let him get through it and then process afterwards. "You were angry, mad, sad, etc. What were you mad about?" We have a phrase at work: "Kids DO better when they FEEL better." I couldn't agree more.
Being that he is loudly protesting all of your ideas, I wonder if he really wants to be able to express some of his ideas (in terms of things to do or whatever is important to him). Do you think that giving him the lead in something like playtime or letting him make a small decision about something might help??? I'm just brainstorming here. You know him the best, so you would know.
Whoa, sorry for the rant. It's just nice to be able to pass along some things I've learned at work and brainstorm with other parents. I hope something of this is at least a little helpful.
Jeff, great ideas! Thank you so much! This week I'll be trying these new tactics. =0)
My one idea is along the same line as one of Jeff's. Try to give Anders choices whenever possible. "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red one?" "Would you like tuna or peanut butter?" That way he's in control of more of his life and is learning how to make choices.If you can give him choices 5-10 times a day, he'll be happier I think.
Love,
Aunt G
Here's a fun idea I did with our kids starting Nov. 1st. I drew/cut out a large paper tree trunk (about 4-5 ft. high) and taped it to a door. Then the kids & I cut out lots of fall leaves in different fall colors. We called it our "Thankful Tree'. Every day I would ask them to tell me something they were thankful for and I wrote it with a big marker on a leaf. They would glue (with a glu stick) the leaf on the tree and floating to the ground. By Thanksgiving the tree was full. We would review the leaves often. I took their pic in front of the tree before taking it down and rolling it up for the next year.
Hi,Gretchen- these are very good ideas you're getting! Who is the second anonymous? Love you.
I think that was Aunt. G... Sounds like one of her good ideas! =0)
Hi dear, nice to see everyone's good ideas. It's great that you're so open to asking for help... I'm sure this will be a plus for you as you encounter new issues as you raise Anders. There's a lot of wisdom out there, and I know you're full of it too! It's hard to figure out what to do when you're so close to the situation!
I had been having similar problems with both of my boys (bad attitudes, ungrateful heart, etc.) and I'll tell you what worked for us. We started emphasizing that EVERYTHING they had was a privilege-- toys, treats, movies, games, etc. And privileges were given to children who earned them through excellent and worthy behavior. After a really hard couple of weeks of them not obeying at all, completely ignoring us, having horrible attitudes we actually took ALL the toys away (really truly, we put every toy in a box) and told them they could start to earn some privileges back by behaving properly. This worked! Here's another idea, and it's extreme but it REALLY works: Let's say you're asking him to clean up some toys and he won't after you've asked several times, etc. I tell the kids very calmly and very clearly that I'm setting the timer for 1 minute (or whatever) and if it's still on the ground it's gone. Trash! No arguments, no discussion, it is permanently gone. If you follow through he will know you mean business and probably will only let this happen a couple of times. (I always make sure it's something that wouldn't be a big deal to throw out, but they come to understand that their bad behavior has consequences that are not fun.)
Good ideas, everyone! I think that Jodi's ideas sound the most like what I've had to learn--It's all about making the child bear the stress for their own behavior. It's impossible for a mom to be happy when she's feeling responsible for her kids' bad choices. And it's impossible for kids to learn responsibilty unless they feel the pain of their own choices.
Post a Comment